would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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