What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
