ya dads aren't the best wingmen
now i know why i became what i already was.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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