I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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