is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
