Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
