I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
