i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
