Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
