Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
