do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
