you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
