I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
