he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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