Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
