Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
