It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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