This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
