hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize