Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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