I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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