Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
