Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
