I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
