I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
