He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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