Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
