he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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