I want to stick my p in your. b.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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