Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
