i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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