when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
