I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
