is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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