FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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