He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i now understand why vodka
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
