Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
