Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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