Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
