i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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