hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
