is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
