I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
