yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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