Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
