What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
