His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
