Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
