then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
