I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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