Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
