My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
