you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
