How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
