Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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