oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
420 ftw
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
